Forgiving and Starting Over.

We are so willing to follow God, until He asks something crazy from us.

For example: I told God that I would follow Him where ever He went. I would go where ever He wanted me to go. Then.. He tells me to move to Florida and I begin to think that it was just me wanted to get out of Cleveland and out of the crap situations I was in. There was no way that God would really ask me to move 400 miles away from my family and friends... sometimes God doesn't make sense, but we must follow Him!

After many weeks of arguing with Him, I made the move. It was tough for the first 3 weeks, but now I'm finally settling in and the people here make me feel like I'm home. I miss home (Cleveland), but Florida has now become my home away from home and I wouldn't change it for anything. It feels awesome when you're doing what God called you to do.

I am NOT the same person I was a month ago. God has taken me to a new level and has opened my eyes to things I did not understand in the past. I have begun to make a lot of changes in my life. That involves: what I watch, what I listen to, what I say, and who I let in my life. I have been hurt one time to many and so I have put my guard back up and since I've changed, only a few really know me now. I like it that way.. it's better then the past.

When I first got here, I was dealing with a lot of crap from back home, but God has really opened my eyes to all of it and I have a learned a valuable lesson... friends come and go. we have memories, but sometimes its not meant to be and I'm okay with that. People change and no matter whose fault it was... you live and you learn and you have to get over it. It took me a few weeks, but I can finally say I'm over it and I have moved on. I have let go of the past and is now I'm moving forward and WILL NOT look back.

I am learning about forgiveness. I have realized that there are many people out there that I have had grudges against and have honestly prayed that God would take them out (I know that's horrible.. but I'm being honest). I read something the other day that said "In order for us to forgive, we have to forget. ". When we ask forgiveness from Jesus, He forgets that the sin never occured. It's impossible to forget that someone hurt us, but true forgiviness is acting like it never happened. If you are constantly thinking about what happened or constantly talking about it... you haven't let it go.. and that's not forgiveness. So I'm learning to act like nothing ever happened... sure I got hurt and wish I could have done things different, but I can't. People are going to hurt you and you are going to hurt others. They are gonna drop the ball and so will you. Forgiving someone who hurt you isn't just for them, but for you as well. When you truly forgive someone, (forgetting) you are free from their hold on you.

This quote says it all : To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you - Lewis B. Smedes.

I'm forgetting everything. my past is over. and I am realizing that everything does happen for a reason and God has showed me that this happened because He has a better plan that what I was living. He wanted me to take a different path then what I was on and He loves me so much that He had to step in there and mess things up, so I could see clearly. That may not make sense to you, I guess you had to be in my shoes.

I know this is all over the place, but there was so much in my mind that I had to get out.

I love Florida. I miss Cleveland and the people there (well most of them), but I know this is where God wants me and I love the Florida people... they are pretty awesome :).

I'll probably write more later, but I need to go to bed.

Goodnight loves,

-Courtney